Couples Retreat (2009)

Several couples go to an exclusive island retreat for marriage counselling, is the context of this romantic vom-edy, actually a long series of unfunny, uncharming sex, masturbation, and penis jokes featuring the most unattractive array of petulant manchildren you will ever see in a movie - far from wishing them all a speedy relationship recovery, you want to tell the women to run for the departing boats and never look back.

★☆☆☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS

Swiss Army Man (2016)

If there's anything worthwhile to take away from this fantasy comedy in which a man and a dead body on a deserted island become friends and in dopey conversations teach each other nothing interesting at all about the human condition, it is that no, in actual fact it is much better to hold stinkers like this in, "Daniels".

★☆☆☆☆

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The Wicker Man (2006)

This dreadful remake of the original mystery thriller of 1973 - a sinister movie about a policeman investigating a child's disappearance from a creepy, cultish remote island community - updates the story by wheeling out a big, hollow wooden figure at the start the movie, too: Nicolas Cage in Edward Woodward's police officer role.

☆☆☆☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS

Cast Away (2000)

Tom Hanks plays a plane crash survivor stranded on an island with a Wilson volleyball Man Friday in this extended Fedex advertisement that seeks to demonstrate the extreme lengths the company will go to ensure its parcels get delivered - lengths much greater than most attention spans.

★★★☆☆

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The Karate Kid Part II (1986)

The stakes are ridiculously high now, escalating from a karate tournament title in the original Karate Kid movie to teenage death and honour in this melodramatic sequel, with a lanky teenaged Daniel-san (who really doesn't give the impression of being able to walk straight let alone coordinate a brutal drum rhythm-inspired karate takedown) and his senpai Mr Miyagi coming to the attention of Okinawan bullies.

★★☆☆☆

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Rebirth (八日目の蝉) (2011)

I watched this on Shoudoshima, the island that features heavily in the latter part of the movie and despite its uneven story I was affected by the main character's search for the home of her childhood memories after discovering that the mother who raised her was in fact the person who kidnapped her in her infancy.

★★★★☆

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How I Ended This Summer (Kak ya Provyol etom letim) (2010)

Fascinating immediately with its depiction of life for two men at a remote Russian Arctic island research station, this movie also succeeds as a pressure pot psychological drama when the younger of the two men, an intimidated student vacation worker, learns but does not pass on grave news regarding the other's family.

★★★★★

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS