The Limestone Golem (2016)

We all love Bill Nighy, but his frozen-with-botox, duck-lipped routine as Detective Kildare in this Victorian-era serial killer thriller (based on a book, apparently) gets more than tired, and when a *shocking* revelation comes at the end - one that might make sense if you cared to think about it - he delivers one final, extended stare of such ridiculous duck-lipped intensity that you want to scream as though a Jack the Ripper-style serial killer called the Limestone Golem is upon you.

★★☆☆☆

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About Time (2013)

Imagine Four Weddings and a Funeral with a time travel twist and you get this, an occasionally touching, occasionally funny but mostly irritating British romantic comedy slash family drama that adds time travel into the mix for no great gain, just to unnecessarily hammer home the life lessons learned by a Hugh Grant moving (backwards and) forwards through life with an Andie McDowell.

★★☆☆☆

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Love Actually (2003)

This saccharine romantic comedy is replayed on television about three times a week and I've grown to loathe it, but at least on the first occasion it is a pleasure, featuring an ensemble all-star cast in a series of interconnected stories that share the central theme of messy love.

★★★★☆

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Jack the Giant Slayer (2013)

The Giant Slayer story I remember was about a false hero talking about flies, not giants, when he boasted he'd downed six, and the Beanstalk story was a fairytale involving a cow sale and just one giant with a keen sense of smell, but this movie's hybrid Beanstalk/Slayer story — too gory for kids, only mildly entertaining for adults — mixes Giant Slayer mythology with modern flourishes and features myriad giants - cartoony Fraggle Rock ogre-ones, not real people-split-camera ones, for some reason.

★★★☆☆

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