Rampage

Chris Pratt, I mean, Dwayne The Rock Johnson is a dinosaur wrangler, I mean a primatologist, who has developed a special friendship with a velociraptor, I mean a gorilla, but when a mutagen is released on Earth that causes the gorilla and several other beasts to mutate into city-wrecking colossi, it takes the white-shirted hero, himself a big mutant cinematic monster, to overcome the dinosaurs, I mean, the genetically-mutated animals and the fact this B-grade Jurassic Park action blockbuster is all based on an arcade game series is unimportant except that it sort of helps to explain the movie's pair of villains, a remotely located pair of buffoons so dastardly they make Lazy Town's Robbie Rotten seem like Hannibal Lecter.

★★☆☆☆

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Colossal (2016)

A simple but effective metaphor, likening an alcoholic's lifestyle to a gigantic monster wreaking havoc in South Korea, becomes thoroughly mixed because someone wanted to see the monster fighting a giant robot under the spotlights of hovering helicopters - Hathaway survives but characterisation, side plots, and creative potential are left decimated.

★★☆☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEW

Godzilla: Resurgence (シン•ゴジラ) (2016)

In Tokyo, the emergence of Godzilla, a big destructive sock puppet with a frozen stare, requires a multi-agency response from Japan's various emergency response services, and the administrative workings and bureaucratic interactions of these agencies is a bit like watching Parliament sitting.

★★☆☆☆

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Big Ass Spider (aka Mega Spider) (2013)

This creature feature about a giant marauding spider revels in its low budget b-movie-ness in the way Snakes On A Plane and "Sharknado" did but unlike those tedious films, this one has enough - just enough - humour and reasonable sfx to sustain it even through its weakest moments when it tries to develop the romance and science of its barely-even-there story.

★★☆☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEW