Wonka (2023)

Like a Wonka' chocolate, this prequel is a confection entirely concocted from scratch by some lunatic using the weird and wonderful ingredients from Dahl's books, so there's giraffe milk and chocolatier wars, exotic oompa loompa lands and stuff, but there is also a pervading sense that the movie is all a rigmarole to perpetuate a non-canon add-on chapter of not-especially-good songs, childish acting, and some wonky cgi, making this confection a sickly sweet one – you end up feeling that to pick up a book or go to see a movie isn't worth the risk of having thrust upon you the burden of an ever-expanding film and television universe.

★★★☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS

You Only Live Twice (1967)

A shuttlejacking creates tension between world superpowers and unfortunately Sean Connery's James Bond has been shot dead, bundled up like an Egyptian mummy and buried at sea, but his death is all just a cunning ruse to allow the spy to secretly follow up leads in Japan where for the first time Blofeld shows his face and, thanks to an especially sleazy screenplay by Roald Dahl, 007 experiences all of the oriental delights the Land of the Rising Sun has to offer, including betrothal to a woman, Kissy Suzuki, who spends most of her time in a wet bikini.

★★☆☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS

The Witches (1990)

This is just exactly how you imagined it in your head as you read the Roald Dahl book as a child, with the witches a grotesque gaggle of foul bald creatures who plot to turn all the children of England into mice; one boy on holiday with his grandmother in a beachside hotel must stop the witches from enacting their dastardly plans but will he be able to after they've turned him into a mouse?

★★★★☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS