The Disappointments Room (2016)

The title of this horror thriller doesn't refer to the movie theatre after the lights go back up on a paying audience but to, well, I hardly need to tell you when reading the title alone tells you everything you don't need to know about a weak Amityville Horror reiteration that not only runs out of time to sufficiently develop its main storyline (yet another couple move, for a fresh start, into a remote home only to discover it is haunted) but also completely abandons other plot points (for example, what on earth happened to the roofer?)

★★☆☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS

Whiteout (2009)

In an Antarctic research station beset by a killer, one character says of the Aurora Australis, "It's a helluva show," and the line comes right at the point viewers' can unequivocally agree the same cannot be said of this thriller full of performances icier and more remote than its polar setting. 

★☆☆☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS

Total Recall (2012)

Strip the original of its kookiness, Schwarzenegger's wooden acting, the NQR SFX - in other words, strip it of much of its fun, imagination and daring - and you get this unnecessary remake, its problems compounded by the presence of a particularly plucked, waxed, plasticky and possibly wholly computer-generated Colin Farrell.

★★☆☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS