A Good Old Fashioned Orgy (2011)

The opening scene establishes we are stuck in the company of an unlikeable group of 40-somethings united by their love of themed parties and - probably - their not having seen Shortbus; they decide to have an orgy but is an orgy really an orgy if its planning is protracted to movielength by way of a laborious recruitment process and untitillating research, and when a tepid and irrelevant romance is injected into the story to fill time, isn't it just as though the movie itself has conceded how uninteresting the orgy and its participants are?

★☆☆☆☆

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Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

The fact he's an oft-photographed billionaire is irrelevant - no-one acknowledges him, not even in elevators in his own skyscraper - which is just one of the many ways this untitillating sex drama floats free from reality; in fact, Christian Grey and doey womanchild Anastasia's unlikely sex contract negotiations (he tries for two hours to involve her in his sado-lite world of slaps-on-the-backside and silk tie shackles) raise just one question in bored viewers' minds: in what world are Christian Grey and Anastasia that they haven't seen Sex And The City?

★☆☆☆☆

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