Gretel and Hansel (2020)

The Aarne-Thompson-Uther Index of folktale types needs a new subcategory to allow for the inclusion of Osgood Perkins' Gretel and Hansel, and might I suggest 2400-2499: "Fucking boring". 

★☆☆☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS

Longlegs (2023)

The thing Longlegs most reminded me of were the cutscenes of the original Silent Hill computer game on PS1 (they also strung together to make a monotonous, logic-free jumble of satanic goings-on set to a jangly soundtrack of ringing noises and clanks and clangs), but Longlegs includes in its garble Nicolas Cage doing a Jennifer Coolidge impersonation and a this-is-a-bit-right? Silence of the Lambs routine that insults most only after the "we don't even care anymore" abrupt final cut-to-credits when, woken by the return of cinema lights, audience members realise they've been tricked into seeing, I wouldn't be surprised, another prequel-series of the Annabel franchise.

★☆☆☆☆ 

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS