Dracula 2000 (2000)

Risen by elaborate means from a treasure vault in modern-day America, Gerard Butler's Dracula is an almost entirely non-verbal ponce whose exhilaration at the sight of ripe virginal necks looks like constipation, but this Wes Craven-endorsed exercise in horror, featuring Christopher Plummer as a Van Helsing descendant, Jonny Lee Miller as geeky-chicy muscle, and Justine Waddell as a woman with a supernatural bond to the ancient bloodsucker, is so-bad-it's-not-so-bad mindless horror-action fun.

★★★☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS 

Dark Shadows (2012)

For those like me who watch this unaware of the gothic tv soap opera "Dark Shadows" that was popular in the 70s, Tim Burton's big screen adaptation with Johnny Depp yet again sporting a deathly pallor as vampire Barnaby Collins is an elaborately produced, occasionally funny but ultimately bemusing oddity; and now, having googled and read up about the tv series "Dark Shadows", I can in full knowledge confirm this tribute is an elaborately produced, occasionally funny but ultimately bemusing oddity.

★★★☆☆

CINECAL: ONE SENTENCE REVIEWS